On
behalf of my mom and my brothers and sister, I want thank you all for being
here today to honor my dad. For nine months, he fought bravely against a
horrible disease. An endearing quality about my dad was that he always felt the
need to get the house completely in order before he went to sleep every night.
We were all aware of his desire to get “the house” in order in his final
months, weeks, days and even hours before he could rest in peace. And I can
tell you that he did that, with perseverance, dignity and unfailing love for
his family.
Today
we are reminiscing about dad but I also want to tell you that at Thanksgiving
we were all together and we were all able to tell dad how much we loved him and
how much he has meant to us. It was like a memorial for dad and I know it meant
a lot to him. We were blessed to have had that time with dad to express our
gratitude for his steadfastness and his love.
Mostly we are talking about dad’s attributes
but here are a couple of historical footnotes:
1.
college
years – Colby college is very important to the Jacobs family. His dad, The
Captain, and all of his siblings graduated from Colby College in Waterville,
ME. He attended with his big
brother Bob and they lived in the DKE house. Dad was a three sport athlete and he often said that these
years were the best in his life.
To which mom would say, “Thanks a lot, John.” Please take a moment to ask Uncle Bob about their many fun times at the
reception following this ceremony.
2.
marriage
to mom – they were married for 50 years.
I really believe that this is what dad would talke about. They shared a special connection and
were definitely best friends. A
favorite family story is when mom first laid eyes on dad…Mom saying to herself, “Oooh. How’d you like to be married to someone like that?” truly dad was a handsome man.
· They had ups and downs like many of us, but
they relied on one another and they always made one another laugh. They had their own little jokes which
were enjoyed in front of us whether we were clued in to the private moment or
not. [dad would lean over and
whisper to mom and they’d laugh hysterically – so many times and I loved
it.]
· When Kurt and I started our family, mom and
dad would stay with us often because Kurt would frequently travel. We got used to hearing them late at
night giggling behind closed doors.
We knew that they were retelling things that the kids had
done that day, making fun of the way we tried so desperately to be deliberate
about the way we parented or that they were just teasing one another. They would lie awake giggling often.
Kurt and I, on behalf of the family, would
like to touch on two of the prevailing THEMES in dad’s life:
· Only
Boring People Get Bored
o Sports
– always big part of his life. He played baseball, football, and
basketball in high school and college.
His favorite was football (I think?). all-american. drafted
NY Giants
o Reminiscing - It was better back in the day
o Amuse
himself – asking
wait staff for a list of beers knowing they wouldn’t have - Dortmunder, Gluden Draak, Belhaven,
Hacker Schorr, Warsteiner? Amuse
himself with special phrases:
§ Give it a rest
§ Big game
§ NEGATIVE
§ Good O!
§ Aw Tres
§ C’mon Tres
§ Bulldust!
§ Whosamadinger
§ We like…to do this…
o Places – loved telling stories, which were tied to
locations. He always knows local
trivia that supported his beliefs about how great southwest Washington (or
Portland, ME) is (was)
§ Living on Capitol Hill and “Aye Maya Kowa” fending
for Bob & John “BobJohn no like”
§ South Portland, Maine
§ Vancouver/Portland – proud of Vancouver. Can never get Washington news down here
– it’s all Oregon. “Pretty sure we
are the only county in the state who didn’t vote for that communist”
o Meticulous –
o
Cleaning fairy – wake up and
everything would be back in it’s place
o
The difference between trash and
garbage. How to recycle properly.
o
Dish towel vs. hand towel
o
Every night for as long as any of
us can remember he would “police the grounds”
o
Always
had the best fit product with a litany of reasons why – 3-ply paper towels,
toilet paper,
o
Insisted upon showing each of us
that doing things the right way may not always be the easy way – even in the
little things like cleaning the kitchen, and opening and closing a door
properly
You can see that dad engaged his mind in
plenty different ways because “only boring people get bored.”
2nd
world view – everybody needs a friend
· Dad was a man of faith – he didn’t often
discuss it, but it was revealed in his life and his relationships
He always said – “Everybody needs a friend” and he spent much of his life being one.
. .
o When Brad shared at Thanksgiving, he talked
about how much he appreciated the fact that dad never gave up on him. It is true. And the fact is, we all felt that way. Each one of us
thanked dad for a variety of things, but there was one very clear, unifying
theme. We felt his unconditional
love and we knew that he would never give up on any one of us. Dad was able to
communicate constructive criticism while being supportive; firm but kind; and
all the while communicating his total acceptance of us even when we faltered.
Dad valued things like
o Fairness – evaluated things on whether or not they
were fair. He always tried to be
fair and made decisions accordingly. It often made him root for the underdog.
o Generosity – he was generous with his money - to a
fault perhaps, but I couldn’t imagine him having it any other way. He was
generous with grace for people with three possible exceptions:
1.
Democrats
2.
Idiots
who never learned to use the English language properly, and
3.
Those
of us who never learned how to open and close a door correctly
o Kindness – Encouraging us to always be kind and
teaching me the importance of sincerity and honesty. He wasn’t sarcastic or
passive aggressive and even with people he didn’t care for, he tried his best
to show kindness.
o Caregiver – to mom especially. Mom points out that they took care of
each other and that’s true. But
dad really seemed to have found his calling once he retired. He genuinely enjoyed taking care of
mom.
o Unconditional
Love – I don’t
know of anyone who was better at looking past my imperfections and loving me
wholeheartedly. I know that my mom and siblings feel the same way.
Lastly,
I want to mention dad’s
o Physical
Presence – just
having him in the room was comforting.
He was strong, imposing, constant, warm. Anecdotes about his presence and size
§ Hugging mom so hard that her pearl necklace
broke – pearls rolling one by one down the sidewalk
§ Carrying us into bed from the car when we pretended to be asleep
§ Letting us stand on his feet while he waltzed
us around the kitchen
§ Lifting each of us like a barbell to the ceiling – made us feel
like dad was the biggest strongest protector we could ever have
§ Shared his beautiful smile and big hearty laugh – it was always
such a comfort and made happiness bubble to the surface. Dad’s laugh was so loud and distinct,
that a man recorded his laugh once.
When
I think about what Granddaddy really liked and what he was like, I think of him
as always wanting to engage. He’d have his newspaper or the news or a ‘big
game’ on, or some little project that he would be working on throughout the
day, but he was always ready to talk, to share, and to laugh. His presence in the moment was a gift that we will always remember and treasure.
No comments:
Post a Comment